Shadow in Fog: A Booklet for Betrayed Men

I am grateful to announce that Shadow In Fog: A Booklet for Betrayed Men has been published in paperback. Two data sources anchor the booklet. One is conversations with betrayed men. The other is empirical science and sexual medicine studies about committed relationships, sex, and infidelity. The booklet presents information and asks questions. I hope this approach opens horizons for this complex topic.

Shadow in Fog is available on amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1836905327

Shadow In Fog is available here: https://www.thegreatbritishbookshop.co.uk/products/shadow-in-fog?_pos=1&_sid=038085c07&_ss=r

Section I, Context, presents the booklet’s focus, the betrayal experiences of bonded, committed, conscientious men, particularly fathers, who choose to remain in their relationship, even if they ultimately cannot. It addresses the family-centeredness of such men, notably in terms of meaning and legacy. The section also surveys alignments between the relationship investment model and bonded, committed conscientious men.

Section II, Dissonance, addresses basic emotions in response to women’s infidelity, notably disgust. It surveys the scientific themes of sexual access and mate value. It also addresses conflicts between men’s bonded, committed, conscientiousness and basic disgust, amplified by sharp declines in unfaithful women’s mate value.

Section III, Complications, addresses elements of women’s infidelity, specifically resentment—expressed as feeling emotionally neglected, dissatisfied with the spouse, or with the relationship—deception, and egocentrism. It surveys how unfaithful women’s resentment, associated with motivation, justification, and blame attribution for infidelity, amplifies betrayed men’s experiences. It also presents deception and egocentrism as overlooked aspects of women’s infidelity. 

Section IV, Collapse, introduces the devastation of women’s infidelity on bonded, committed, conscientious men’s investment in their relationship and family. It addresses the themes of hollowed goals, lost time, broken meaning, and damaged legacy. It also surveys conflicts between men’s efforts to re-center and women’s lost mate value.

Section V, Damage, presents specific impacts of women’s sexual infidelity. It addresses power, dominance, and submission dynamics, along with their upshots. It also summarizes extradyadic sex as particularly damaging for bonded, committed, conscientious fathers.

Section VI, Empirical Findings, surveys scientific research and sexual medicine studies about facets of women’s infidelity that align with experiences men speak about. The research is robust, dating to the 1990s. Much of it has not been presented to the public. The surveys include in-text references.