Aftermath

Infidelity recovery themed clinical literature validates women’s betrayal experiences by associating them in part with unconscious (i.e., biological) emotions (e.g., fear of abandonment), and more broadly with conscious emotions (e.g., hurt feelings) (Feeney, 2004; Hoy & Oh, 2024; Rokach & Chan, 2023). The same literature contends that men’s betrayal experiences are not differentiated from women’s or it invalidates men’s experiences by associating them with masculine socialization norms (Cotter et al., 2023; Lonergan et al., 2020; Weiser and Shrout, 2024). Many scientific research disciplines, however, show that women’s and men’s betrayal experiences are strongly associated with sex-differentiated unconscious emotions, biological bonding processes, sexual psychologies, assortative mating preferences, reproductive costs, mate values, and conscious emotions (Banfield & McCabe, 2001; Buss & Shackelford, 2008; Carter, 2017; Ekman, 2016; Hughes & Harrison, 2019; Jonason & Lavertu, 2017; Kreibig, 2010; Miner et al., 2009; Poeppl et al., 2016; Whyte et al., 2019). Women and men must understand biological and psychological principles associated with betrayal before they can effectively process their experiences (Proulx & Inzlicht, 2012).  

Infidelity recovery themed clinical literature contends that betrayed men should consider their personal or relationship ‘deficits’ (Atkins et al., 2001; Duba et al., 2008; Rokach & Chan, 2023). The same literature, however, does not invite betrayed women to consider their personal or relationship deficits. Moreover, the deficit model is nothing more than a theory based on the self-reports of unfaithful spouses, which has not been tested empirically (Foster & Misra, 2013; Jeanfreau et al., 2014; Murphy et al., 2024). The relationship investment model, however, has been tested empirically (Rusbult et al., 1998; Tran et al., 2019; Young & Zeigler-Hill, 2024). Researchers have also studied asymmetrical commitment and discrepant involvement (Dobson et al., 2023; Stanely et al., 2017; Weiser et al., 2018). Put differently, betrayed men may be committed to their relationship and family more than unfaithful women. 

Infidelity recovery themed clinical literature invites betrayed men to bypass their betrayal experiences (Gordon et al., 2004). This literature thus posits that betrayed men should reflect upon, and assign validity to, alleged external (e.g., responsibility deflecting) factors for women’s infidelity (Jeanfreau et al., 2016; Lișman & Corneliu, 2023; Warach et al., 2018). Bypass, however, is associated with denial and is prone to collapse. Men must understand the egocentrism, entitlement, volition, premeditation, and deception associated with women’s infidelity before they can process their experiences (Bagarozzi, 2008; Brewer et al., 2023; Fitness, 2001; Guilbault et al., 2020; Zapien, 2016).  

Infidelity recovery themed clinical literature treats forgiveness as the cornerstone for overcoming betrayal experiences (Fife et al., 2013). Forgiveness, a cognitive activity, may enable betrayed spouses to process minimal conscious emotions. Forgiveness, however, cannot affect unconscious biological and psychological experiences (Ekman, 2016; Kreibig, 2010; Smith & Lane, 2016). Specifically, the unconscious (biological emotions and the autonomic nervous system) does not engage in conscious processes (e.g. rationalization). Research has also shown that forgiving betrayal (i.e., treason) can be perilous (Ruel et al., 2023). Specifically, individuals whose personality organization entails deceptive self-presentation (e.g., self-monitoring, impression management, and social desirability), and an exploitative-entitled approach to committed relationships, tend to perceive forgiveness as an indicator of future exploitability (McNulty, 2010). 

Bonded, committed, conscientious betrayed men (fathers) may not regard divorce as a viable post discovery option. Such men must grapple with sexual psychology dynamics, biological (unconscious) emotions, and irrecoverable losses associated with mate value (Asao et al., 2023; Burch & Gallup, 2019; Millar & Baker, 2017). Infidelity recovery themed clinical literature dismisses or invalidates men’s experiences, guilts men for their experiences, and invites men to bypass or forgive their experiences (Cotter et la., 2023; Gordon et al., 2004; McCarthy & Wald, 2013). Unfaithful women (mothers) tend to value the stability and security of their primary relationship. Such women must grapple with complex regret, disregarded consequences, and a slow-dawning awareness of a self-defeating lifestyle (Campbell, 2008; Hosack et al., 2023; Hughes & Harrison, 2019; Littrell et al., 2020; Vazire & Funder, 2006). Infidelity recovery themed clinical literature contends that self-forgiveness can ease unfaithful women’s experiences (Cornish et al., 2020). The same literature, however, fails to address conflicts between self-forgiveness and choosing to live amidst the wreckage of a broken relationship. Put differently, the realities and experiences of betrayed fathers and unfaithful mothers create significant relational complexities, which infidelity recovery themed clinical literature has been willfully blind to (Baumeister & Vohs, 2004; Baumeister et al., 2007; Bell et al., 1975; Brewer et al., 2023; Buss & Shackelford, 1997; Buunk et al., 2018; Buss & von Hippel, 2018; Freyth & Jonason, 2023; Honeycutt & Jussim, 2023; Horowitz et al., 2018). 

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